From the Sickbed

Maybe it was dirty ashes.

At least, that's when it all started.

We went to the Ash Wednesday service at our church and my wife started coughing. That was 10 days ago, and she is still coughing. In between, she spent several days in the bed with the flu.

Then our youngest daughter got it. Then I got it. Then our son got it. It must have been dirty ashes.

Or maybe it was the snow. All the weather change that came with the winter wonderland we called our back yard for a couple of days now turning quickly to spring grass needing to be mowed.

During our bout with demonized bronchatic flumonia, the Auburn Tiger lady's basketball team won the southeastern coference regular season championship and the Auburn Tiger men's basketball team kept on winning...sweeping Alabama. I wish I could cheer without coughing.

And now, springtime is about to burst upon us. March madness. Grass needing to be mowed. Spring Break. Golf.

Did I mention golf?

Thanks to my good friend Mr. Patterson, I want to share some of his bits of wisdom regarding golf. It will help your score. It will make you a better golfer. It will make your 18 hole walk much nicer. So, here's Mr. Patterson's wisdom:

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt . For a 10.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the lawn.

Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

Here's to springtime and golf!

WJLaneSR