Kentucky Fried

He was doing what any decent father would do. Protect his children. Is there a more noble duty? And in this case, they weren’t even HIS children. They were just children, and they shouldn’t be subjected to it. He was just doing what was right.

It happened last week in Norwell, Massachusetts. Jared Garfagna and his girlfriend, Sara Mohn, were waiting for their order. Not “patiently” waiting, mind you. After all, it takes a while to deep fry chicken.

According to the authorities, they started shouting vile profanities at the counter clerk, as well as toward the person cooking. There were children waiting in the order line, and a bystander, waiting for his order, told the couple to stop using profanity. He said, “There are children in line….watch your mouths.”

According to witnesses, this just made the couple curse even more. The man again said, “Please…don’t use that kind of language in front of these children. It isn’t appropriate!”

What happened next can only be described as foolish and stupid. The couple proceeded to hit and kick the man until he was on the floor of the local Kentucky Fried Chicken. He had lacerations on his head, under his eye, and across his cheek. By standing up for those children in line, he subjected himself to a Kentucky Fried Beating. Unbelievable.

Which reminds me of Saturday night, when the Auburn Tigers, of their own accord, subjected themselves to a Kentucky Fried Beating. Unbelievable.

Rather than standing up for innocent children, however, they were just standing up before the snap count. (Can anyone say, “Another illegal motion penalty”?)

Instead of putting the Wildcats of Kentucky away when they had multiple chances, Auburn was showing it’s undisciplined self by having, on one drive alone, six…count them…penalties. And when the defense had the chance to legally stand up and be counted…during the last six minutes of the game, it fell down on the floor and gave up two touchdowns AND a victory. A Kentucky Fried Beating.

The Tigers are now in a precarious situation. They must go on the road this week to Death Valley. Baton Rouge. The Tiger Den. LSU awaits on Saturday night.
If the Tigers don’t find an answer to their sudden impotence on offense, they won’t be Kentucky Fried this week. They’ll be filleted and gumboed.

WJLaneSR